Tuesday, August 02, 2005
when will this be over
When will 'tis be over? This is the question I asked myself over and over again. Not just a hundred times that I have asked that, but still I always end up doing the same thing, feeling the same for the same person, over and over and over and over again!
I know this is very silly of me...oh no! Not just silly but stupid of me! Whenever I would step a foot in my hometown I would have that nostalgia again. I know its not suppose to be this way...I should have gotten over that stage already. I should have forgotten about him when I am working with an environment that is full of good looking and smart guys. But unfortunately, I havent.....
I havent forgotten the way he sing. I havent forgotten how he would smile at me sheepishly when he had done something bad. And I could never forget the pain he inflicted on me for saying no....
I am really praying to God that I would find someone who will make me forget the things that had happened to me. Because it's really hard to live in a big lie trying to convince yourself that you are over him, but when in reality you are still so into him.
I remember saying that even the air I breath reminded me of him...well not anymore. Since I am working in Manila and that Concepcion is like 89 miles away so there is a thin chance that the environment will remind me of him. But whenever I would go home......That is a different story.
I was cleaning my room last Sunday, and I saw my pictures with high school friends. I was in the memory lane, reliving the happy moments when life was very simple for us. When I dont have to deal with the complications of adult emotions.
He matured and outgrown his feelings for me. I wish would be able to do the same. I wish I would soon be free of this unwanted feelings for a person who long forgotten his for me. Its not fair for me to be still trapped in a world where pain and joy co-exists. It was never fair for me from the start...it never was....
8:21 AM