i would always wish that i have a normal lovelife. a regular guy who is not worth a second look to other girls but is worth all my stares. a guy who goes to the church every sunday, plays basketball with his friends, drinks occassionally and doesnt mind that i am fat and uncaring.

its true what others say that be carefull for what you wish for. i got what i wished for, and yet i am not happy. i think i am inlove with him. i missed him everytime he is not around. i am in cloud nine whenever we are together and i felt oddly safe and being in danger all at the same time. he has this way of making me so angry that i would cry in hurt...but he has his way that just one smile.....and all my anger and hurt will disappear.

i always told myself that i would never let anyone control me. i would never love somebody more than he love me. funny is that he doesnt know what he has. he would always think that i am still entertaining guys aside from him. little that he knew he got me wrap around his fingers.

but for everyone's info, we are not yet a couple. yes, we are just exclusively dating. i have introduced him to my family here in manila, he already met my college friends but we are not yet committed. i just wanted to enjoy this no rope attached thingy.

if you will be asking me if in the near future i am looking forward to be with him.... the answer is yes. i just need sometime to ponder about my internal conflict ( ngak! ano yon sakit sa tyan!). my career is as important as my personal life, i am not yet willing to sacrifice my identity which in the future i know he will be asking from me and i know i will be giving up because of my love for him.