you're just my brand of heroin;

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I was in our apartment in Rosario Pasig City when the storm Ondoy surprised the unsuspected Manila residents. Our house is very near the Pasig River and we were just 3 houses away from being flooded. God is still good to me and my husband. Our only concern that time is food and how to get home to Tarlac. But my mom assured she and my daughter are ok and no need to worry.

I am now worried for the safety of my friends who lived in De Castro, Pasig City. I haven't heard from them since Saturday. I am praying that my friends and their family are safe.

5:58 AM

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

i should have known better

I don't know where to start but to say that I was hurt....

A few days ago I chatted with a person I used to consider my closest friend. Our friendship rooted way back in high school (or so I thought). I have this thing for stray and misunderstood dogs. Not that this person looks like a dog but she was so different from the rest of my classmates. Her difference is what attraed me to her. She was both popular and unpopular. Popular because she was one of the smartest girl in the history of our school; unpopular because she was anti-social. She rarely make friends and she believes that people will just use her because she is smart.

Though we went to different schools in college, I would still see them and find time to go to their school, knowing that they can't travel by themselves and visit me. My visit would be dual purpose to see them and to ask help accessing their library( their school's library is the only library that contain rare books I needed for my research).

After graduation, they have to relocate somewhere far from me. Through the distance, I still tried maintaining communication. I would call every now and then to check how is life treating them on the other side of the planet. I thought I still maintain the status of her closest friend. When she returned to our place 2 years ago, things were a lot different. I didn't receive any notice that she is back. I still have to learn from other people. I didn't mind as long as I can see them again.

When things started to turn around for both us, me having a bad career and she at her peak with more money she was drifting away. I couldn't understand how a lovelife and career could make you choose not to see your "closest" friend. Oh, well I can see that she has new friends now. But do your "friends" knew how you look when you were still ugly and crying because the guy you are like don't feel the same? Or do they know how sleazy you are with your stuff and I have to tell you how to put them in order? Or the time that you only have 5 pesos in you pocket and you opt to buy some cheap snack and walk from school? I doubt.

I know I still owe you 7 thousand pesos. I was meaning to return it to you that is why I was trying desperately to see you. But your so called "closest friend" needed a month in advance just to have an appointment with you.

I didn't know that the sweet person I use to know became a cold tramp. Of course she doesn't care if it hurts me to see that she changed. I just didn't expect it to be her. Maybe I have so much faith in her that despite her achievements she would remain the same.

I know this is bad but I wish you would loose all your money and everything you have if that is the only way to keep your feet uprooted again. I hope you still go to church.

10:09 PM

stress, stress and more stress

Stress number one:

2 weeks from now and it will be my Bea's First Birthday September 5. Geesh! I haven't done anything yet! Even the invitation draft is not yet finished!

Stress number two:

Work! I know I am behind by two weeks and I am working on it. Boss, sowie. I am having writer's block. Geesh! I know the topics are supposed to be easy but... Hu HU HU!

Stress number three:

Diet! I am having a hard time following my diet. If I continue drinking coffee and eating midnight snacks, I won't loose a single pound!

6:06 AM

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I’m a bit scared for my family because of the AH1N1 scare. Though I know that Bea has all her vaccines, still I can’t help but worry for them. Maybe this is how it is being a mom, or being wife.

Hubby and I are supposed to go to my cousin who is a doctor to get flu vaccine. Unfortunately it rained pretty hard. Hubby is a bit scared of injection so I was teasing him if he wanted to have the shot at his butt. Hehehehehe!

10:16 AM

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Being bored makes me reread books and compare people in my life with the characters of what I read. I feel that I am Bella in The Twilight Saga, and my special friend would be Jacob, unfortunately there are many Edwards in my life.

My first Edward hurt me when he got married and yet his actions is telling me that he love me more than his bride-to-be. My Jacob was there to catch me when I needed to collect myself together. He made me forget how it is like being bruised and hurt from your first love.

Then, I met my second and last Edward, he broke my heart in a way that is hard to heal, again my Jacob was there to save me from insanity. I should have not love Edward from the start and have glued to my Jacob instead. But being Bella that I was, I returned to my Edward I endured the pain of becoming who he is, transforming into someone that fits perfectly into his world. But the pain was nothing compared to being with him forever. I have also endangered my life to have my Renesmee in my life.

I am so Bella in so many ways. The only difference was Jacob didn’t stayed by my side. He has to go and find a new life apart from me. My forever best friend and soulmate needs to find a life of his own, with his kind. Knowing that I am safe with Edward he left and said goodbye. From the last time I heard of him, my Jacob is getting married and going somewhere out of the country. I wish I was Bella in more ways than it is. I wish I could always be with my Jacob just like in the novel. I wouldn’t mind him imprinting on my Renesmee just as long as he would stay……

11:13 PM

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

my telenovela

As a married woman and a mother I am now seeing the world clearly now. It took me an unprepared parenthood and unplanned marriage to fully understand what the world is telling me.

I used to be so idealistic about life and what it would bring. I can compare my life to all the Asian telenovelas I have watched. Life is simple to live but hard to understand, yes the irony. I am like the heroine in a Filipino series, a simple, hardheaded girl who is trying to make her way out of this crazy and unfeeling world. Then I ended up being torn between two guys. The first one is the perfect kind-hearted guy who would always protect you and be your knight in shining armor. The second one is a pig who thinks he is better than anyone else but who is willing to give up everything for the love of his life and who will love her to destruction.

If you will be asking me whom I choose of course, I should have the first guy right? But just like the drama series, I ended up with guy number two. No matter how our minds would want us to choose guy one, we still head for guy two. For guy to is an addiction to us, the thrill of being with someone so bad for your health yet you keep on wanting him more. The more it gets worse the more you wanted to be with him. It’s like narcotics to your blood, like tattoo to your skin. As the pain grows stronger the more you feel ecstacy.

1:12 AM

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

my first love

I felt like a teenager again as I watched the Korean version of Meteor Garden. I felt my spirit being revived once more. Being a married woman, I felt my cheeks blush again, it been a while since I felt something like this. My memory is refresh anew. It’s just like the old das when I would hang out with my bestfriends and watch the episodes of Meteor Garden and spend lazy time talking bout Taiwanese F4.

Dear Lei, I am sorry for being disloyal but my heart now belongs to Ji Hoo. He may not be as good looking as you are but he is a better lover. He won my heart over 25 chapters. Though Hua Tse Lei you are my first love, I am ready to let you go and move on. Hehehehehe!

Labels: nausea

12:21 AM

Monday, July 14, 2008

its been awhile since i last updated this blog. people forget.....people change.....time fly.....

4:31 PM