Sunday, November 28, 2004
This Christmas
Hay……So many things happened some for better some for worse. Those things that will change my Christmas celebration this year. Most of these things I know happened for a reason, but I can’t help but wish that things would go back as they were before.
First, my brother. Because of the chaos that have resulted in his not so wise decision to leave his wife and kid, the whole clan decided to disinherit him. Therefore I will be spending this Christmas without my favorite brother. Despite the fact that he is bad and that my family have shut the doors of their hearts for him, I still love him and looked up to him the same as before. He was one of the elements of air that comprise the wind beneath my wings.
Second, my jobless status. This is the first Christmas that I will be spending as an adult. In our family, as long as you are in school everybody treat you like a kid. But because I have finished school already, I am considered as an adult and the financial support from my family would be less. My dilemma is that most family members think that I am one of the “smartest”, so I am pretty sure that I will be bugged by questions on how in the earth am I still jobless!!!!
Third, my bestfriends. It’s been months since my bestfriends Anne and Audrey moved to Vernon, Texas and by now I should be used not having them around. However, this would be the first Christmas that we wont be spending together. Each year they would go to our house so that I could point out and tell stories about my not-so-nice relatives and then they would bring me to their house to eat the stuff that their grandma and sister cooked!
Fourth, my first love ( yeah right! I promise this would be the last). I’m pretty much sure he wont be coming. Though I am very sure that my feelings for him deteriorated immensely for the past months, I am still gonna miss the times when he would drop by just to greet me Merry Christmas.
Last, myself. With all the changes that have happened to me, things will never be the same. In span of few months, I have grown to be more mature and gloomy that most individuals developed in years. I have so many friends who regard me as their pillar of strength and source of smile. I know I don’t have the right to show hesitation and loose hope because many people are depending on me. But sometimes I just want to break down and for once….just once…..I want to be the person being cared for.
1:57 AM
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Opps!
Here in the Philippines, stalking is not a crime. Unless the person you are stalking is being bothered or harmed, but when you are stalking someone in his blog.....hmm.... I guess no harm done.
Hehehehe! Just yesterday, I read somebody else' blog. It was the blog of a person I havent met before but I learned to abhore because of his personal relation with a friend. I am a blog user for months now but its the first time I went blog hopping and tried to read other peeps blog aside from my friends'.
The verdict: The person possess a deep personality. Despite the fact that I dont like that person, I can relate to the things that are happening in his life. Been there...
11:27 PM
Monday, November 08, 2004
When kindness is abused
I am a person who believes that everything should be taken into moderation ( awww! no violent reactions please!). Its like drinking your favorite choco frap with light whip cream, when you had your fill you should stop from drinking even if there are still four more large ones to go. There's a saying that a person can only take so much.... and even if you are the most compassionate person you are still bound to loose your empathy when you feel that you are being abused.
Being nice is hard and being truly kind is even harder. But despite this fact, some people still abuse people who shows hint of kindness. I wonder why some people are so mean that they tend to take what they can take and leave the person who owned it empty handed, but what is worse is they abandon the person bitter and disillusioned of human trust.
I know I am not making any sense, and I dont plan to put some in my thick head. I just wish that those people whom trust, kindness and compassion was given to would take some initiative to safe guard those things that were entrusted to them. In a world of chaos and confusion, anoth.er bitter soul wouldnt be a nice addition to those many who are suffering from demoralization
1:14 AM
Monday, November 01, 2004
My heart sank at the day of the souls
Each year my first love is visiting my father’s grave on November 1. It started when we were just friends way back in high school. It continued till the time that we felt something special for each other in our college years. Though things are different between the two of us now, I was still expecting that somehow he would still come and give due prayers to my father.
After a disastrous parting with my first love, I said to myself and to my friends that I will move on and live my life without his memories. That is so hard to do, when even the air that I breathe reminds me of him. Even though I still have angst in my heart for him, I could not deny the fact that I missed those small gestures such as visiting my dad’s grave and going to our house every Christmas.
My neck stiffed at looking at the entrance gate to see if he is coming. I was in the cemetery till seven in the evening, it was really dark, but there was a small hope in my heart that he will come. But my brother was already dragging me to go home or else I would have stayed a little bit longer ( to wait and see if he is coming).
The next holiday would be Christmas, on that day I wont be anticipating that he would come. But deep in my heart of hearts I know there will be a small hope that he will come. But maybe things are better this way. He didn’t come…there is only one thing that I am sure of, he moved on. He ended the years of habit between us. It only means that all that had happened everything between us is now his past. Moreover, I know …..I should be doing the same.
11:34 PM