I received some invitations for date, though I wanted to go I am not sure whether I can go. Its not that my mom wont allow me to but I am afraid that I may not be able to enjoy the night. I know that your memories will still haunt me...
Nal is both right and wrong. She assessed that I am still bitterly inlove with you. She is right when she said that I am still bitter. I have forgotten how is it being inlove with you, but the pain is still here... lingering in my heart.
If that someone meant to be for me is reading this crap... Ano ka ba? Bakit ang tagal mong dumating?!! Sa totoo lang naiinip na ako! Why are you letting me get hurt over and over again by the only person I deeply heart? Na sa isang ngiti lang eh hulog na naman ako! ( I shook my head)
Siguro nagkakaganito lang ako dahil malapit na ang Valentine's Day, it usually happens every year...every year since the first year I fell in and out of love with you. Your nickname Mr. Disaster really suites you. You have brought a big disaster in my heart.
Its already 11 pm and my thoughts is still working overtime. Here in Marikina with no telephone, no computer, no nearby video shop the only thing you can do is read. As of the moment, Umberto Eco is my new bestfriend. Though the manuscript of The Name of the Rose isn’t originally his, I thank Umberto for keeping me company.
While I re-unfold the novel again, I sipped at my tea latte. A mug of strong tea mixed with cream and sugar topped with bountiful marshmallows that melt in the hot liquid. The cold ambiance of January matched the relaxed atmosphere of the night.
I am no longer pressured with family problems. Things are starting to fall in place. I'm quite contented with the outcome of events.
Finally, the mallows have all melted in my tea. If you will see my tea, it resembles the look of a froth. A cup of creamy tea, a good book and a worry free night what else can you ask for?
********
February 9, 1983.... 10 pm ....Pampilo David Dizon and Martina Aparri Dizon had seen for the first time the most beautiful creature their eyes had laid upon a baby girl they named Maria Luisa (bwahahahaha! This is my blog so I am entitled to write anything and please no violent reactions!) And the misunfortunes started.
I am turning 22 yet I still feel like I'mm only 16. At my age I should be making mature decisions but I guess I am not good at that. What I am best at is making myself and other people miserable. I'm such a pain in the ass and a heavy luggage (literally and figuratively) to everyone’s burden.
Though turning 22, I enjoy the things that a 12-year-old kid do. Watching cartoons, listening to music hotties and fantazing that one day Josh Groban would marry me and we will live happily ever after. Hmm. I guess the Josh Groban part was the 16-year-old in me. He... He... He... 12 is too young to think about Josh and when I was 12 Backstreetboys were just starting to make a name so Papa Josh doest exist in my fantasies yet.
After all these years I haven't change so much. I still look as if I am sure of the things I am doing but deep inside I have so many hesitations than you can imagine. I am also still friendly as ever but a loner for real. I am still insecure about so many things that people around me think that I have outgrown those fears.
The 12-year-old Luisa still exist in the to be 22-year-old Lui. Horay to me! My birthday wish? Have a good life and more marshmallows to come!
The funny interview
I attended a job interview with one of the leading job consultants in Manila. The consultant that interviewed me was really nice and very accommodating. Whats funny about the interview is he asked me about my future plans or how do I see my self 5 years from now, I told him that I might be a HR Supervisor or a Manager. Then he asked me if by that time I am seeing myself married. I answered no. He faked a cough and smiled at me. Then he asked what made me say that, even questioned me whether I had a boyfriend before or was I hurt by a past relationship. I told him that as of now marriage is the farthest thing that will happen to me and that I don't see myself getting married. And that getting married is more of getting hurt than being blessed.
HUHUHU! After getting my arm bruised, its time to say bye bye to my dream of learning how to ride a bike...
I was cleaning my stuff (again!) And I saw some Tagalog pocketbooks which were given to me when I was in college by our in-house cook, Tita Celing. I remember how I was fond of reading those stuff. Now I realized that those Tagalog romance novels should not be read by teenagers and single women.
When I was in high school, I believe the crap that whatever happens you and your first love will always end up together no matter what. That is how the heroes and the heroines in romance novels are. But in reality that is far from happening. So girls end up hoping for the fairytale love story. Wait ....wait.... wait ...that’s all we do. And in the process of waiting we learn the painful truth that it is never gonna happen, because fairytale endings are just for princesses. Sad but true......
After dinner, I usually spend my time water color painting. It was sort of a therapy for me. I am extremely sad this past months so I needed to break away from the usual stuff that I am doing. And all the things that are happening are slowly getting in my system. But the water color painting is really helping me. I think I also have talent for it! Hehehehehe!
I really wish I woud learn how to ride a bike before I start to work.
1.
"I choose to love you in silence,
For in silence I receive no
rejection.
I choose to adore you from a distance,
For distance
will shield me from pain.
I choose to kiss you in
the wind,
For the wind is gentler than my
lips."
2.
"For the love of you,
I’d give it all
up if I have to.
If you'd be happier with someone else,
If only
in her can you find yourself,
Then I'd gladly bear all this
pain,
Trade my sunshine for the rain..."
*copyright, bestfriend hope you wont sue me for using those lines from ur letter.
Lui,
Hello! Thanks nga pala sa treat mo kanina...Nice Food...Saka...Thanks din po sa mga maraming bagay...Thanks din po sa pakikinig sa mga kwento ko at sa pagbibigay payo sa magulo kong pangkasalukuyang buhay...(magulo ba?)...Sa pagbibigay ng lakas-loob sa t'wing lumalagpak ako at feeling ko ay 353, 679 ft. below sea-level na ako at 1 inch na lang eh bibigay na ako...Parang sinasabi mong kaya ko pa...mababaw pa lang ang kinasasadlakan ko...kasi 7, 138, 694 ft. ang lalim ng dagat na kinalulubugan ko...wala pa ako sa kalahati.
Salamat kasi feeling ko...nakikinig ka naman sa'kin pag may sinasabi ako sa'yo...tungkol sa kahit ano...seryoso man o hindi...Lalo na pag humihingi ka rin ng payo...para kasing isa ka lang dun sa iilang naniniwala sa kin pag magsasalita ako...Yung iba kasi doubtful pa...sabagay...sino nga ba ang basta magtitiwala sa tulad kong maloko...Pero tingin ko isa ka sa mga nakakakilala kung sino ba talaga ako...inside and outside...kung kelan ako nagsasabi ng totoo...at nambabarbero lang..kasi...minsan..tingin pa lang getz mo na ako..(ice cream).
Salamat kasi...kahit ayaw mo sa ibang mga taong gusto ko eh friends pa rin tayo...Sa kabila ng pagtatalo natin tungkol sa kanila...eh...'di pa naman tayo humantong sa madugong usapan...Minsan nauubusan na ako ng sasabihin para ipagtanggol sila..pero paulit-ulit lang tayo...at sa kabila nito eh Ganado pa rin tayong kumain ng chichi sa Food Court...at ni minsan 'di kita naisipang batuhin ng chichiria sa mata...ngayon lang...kasi 150/150 ang vision mo pala...bottom line...galit ka pa rin sa kanila...
Salamat kasi pinagtatanggol mo 'ko lalo na kay Mavic...Si Mavic the martian na friend ni Millicent Kaye Abad na friend ni Princess Diana Mendoza na friend ni Ninay Badiday na Friend ni Nene na Kahawig ni Moreen Guesse...Salamat sa pag-bubuild up twing me bago tayong kakilala... isa kang talent center sa paningin ko...At co-artist ko sina Aira Seguerra, Moja-cko, Anselmo Noe na gumawa ng ark...Husay may pang little miss Philippines...cartoons...at siyempre flying house/superbook.
Salamat kasinasasakyan mo ang mga kalokohan ko at trip ko sa buhay...Kahit pa feeling ko eh minsan gusto mo na akong ibaon 137, 646 ft. below the ground sa twing ikaw na ang binabato ko ng mga joke ko...Salamat sa pag-iintindi sa akin kasi alam mo naman...oo nga at mataas ang IQ at EQ ko eh after 1 minute eh naglalapse agad ito...Salamat kasi naging magkaibigan tau kahit na noon eh muntik mo na akong hampasin ng paying sa di ko malamang kadahilanan kung bakit...
Nagpapasalamat,
Ian Avegail 13
*To Ian, Tol asan ka naman...Astig tau pare!
New Year Bitterness...Time to move on
It was 1 am when I received a phone call from my long time friend Arzel. She was inviting me to go with her to visit the son of our friend Richard, who recently got married. I was about to say yes, but she mentioned Whey's name so I got hysterical and said that I couldn't come because I am busy and I am expecting some guests. Because of the length of time that we known each other, she know me too well and she sensed that there was something wrong with me and Whey. So she took no for an answer and made me promise to go.
Jane's house was our meeting place. Before going to Jane's house, I called Nalnal for some encouragement. I needed some moral support. After all the things that had happened, this is the first time that I will face him. I told Nal that if ever I will still looked bitter in front of my friends, I will be forced to invent an imaginary boyfriend. Then I will be pretending that I am the happiest girl in the world because my love life is blooming!
When I went there, I tried to manipulate the events. I greeted everyone there except for him. And when we were singing videoke, I tried to ignore his presence as if he is not existing. But that is so hard to do, instead I just shove him off when he was trying to crack a joke. I was a total bitch!
Good heavens! I never realized that I could be a real bitch. During that time, I wasn't thinking. The friendship was long gone in my heart, what is left is the angst and the pain. I really don't care if he think that I have changed and that I am the biggest snob he'd ever met. Arzel tried to talked me out asking me to try to understand why he did such thing to me. But I told her that I am tried of being understanding. Ever since the first day I fell in love with him all people asked me to understand him and until now people are asking me to do the same. I really don't care whether he is the most insensitive person and that he didn't realize that he hurt me.
When they were on their way home, he was asking Arnie and Arzel why I was treating him coldy. Hello!!!!! Whey to earth!!!!! He is just an insensitive jerk!
Anyways, now I know that I don't deserve him at all. Its time to really as in really get over him and this time for good!
*******
Hey! I am moving on!
I met this guy, he was nice, sweet, sensible, good looking and stable ( sounds mister perfect eh?). We share the same passion for music, food, literature, movies and for leisure. I think we are friends and I think that is what he thought. But I also think that I am starting to have a crush on him. Though he is not noticing anything, I am afraid that he will learn about this. Though there are times that he read my blog. I know he wont have the slightest idea that he is the person I am talking about. Whenever he is around, I am in constant smile.
When All People Are Moving On...without me
I always tried to keep my communication with my high school friends because these are the people that I depend on emotionally when we were younger. As years passed by, we seldom see each other because we are living far from each other and that the only reason to be gathered together is a holiday. And even on a holiday, our friendship is not the priority anymore. Some have families of their own and would rather spend the holiday with them and some have their loved ones such as girlfriends and family reunions that keep them more busy to even drop by and say hi.
Its sad that people who are very dear to you are moving on without you. Those people who really know you and seen you in your worsed are happier in their lives without your presence. Maybe, I am such a pain in the A** that people I cherished don't even bother to know whether I am still alive or what.
Maybe it's the way of life. Now I know that the round song 'Make New Friends' is't true.... "Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold..."