Tuesday, August 02, 2005
when will this be over
When will 'tis be over? This is the question I asked myself over and over again. Not just a hundred times that I have asked that, but still I always end up doing the same thing, feeling the same for the same person, over and over and over and over again!
I know this is very silly of me...oh no! Not just silly but stupid of me! Whenever I would step a foot in my hometown I would have that nostalgia again. I know its not suppose to be this way...I should have gotten over that stage already. I should have forgotten about him when I am working with an environment that is full of good looking and smart guys. But unfortunately, I havent.....
I havent forgotten the way he sing. I havent forgotten how he would smile at me sheepishly when he had done something bad. And I could never forget the pain he inflicted on me for saying no....
I am really praying to God that I would find someone who will make me forget the things that had happened to me. Because it's really hard to live in a big lie trying to convince yourself that you are over him, but when in reality you are still so into him.
I remember saying that even the air I breath reminded me of him...well not anymore. Since I am working in Manila and that Concepcion is like 89 miles away so there is a thin chance that the environment will remind me of him. But whenever I would go home......That is a different story.
I was cleaning my room last Sunday, and I saw my pictures with high school friends. I was in the memory lane, reliving the happy moments when life was very simple for us. When I dont have to deal with the complications of adult emotions.
He matured and outgrown his feelings for me. I wish would be able to do the same. I wish I would soon be free of this unwanted feelings for a person who long forgotten his for me. Its not fair for me to be still trapped in a world where pain and joy co-exists. It was never fair for me from the start...it never was....
8:21 AM
The week that was
The last week of July was very tiring for me. I went to "intensive sales training" with some of my colleagues in the program. It was both tiring and fun. Ted (the one who trained us) was really nice and funny. It was fun being with him. Even if he claimed he is already in his forty's, he still look younger because he is very cheerful and a very positive.
The training went fine. On the last stride of the training, Ted made us watch some series like the Arrested Development. And some movies like my favorite The Replacements.
Then I realise one thing, Ted was right. For whatever the training is worth, I should really strive for the best. Though, I am still confused about the things that I have put myself into I know I should be able to put my best foot forward. Who knows...This might be the plan that God has for me.
8:07 AM